Take Me Back: Many of you join me in knowing what it is like to make a serious mistake and lose a relationship. This is even more significant when it is a marriage. You made a bad choice, you committed a sin, but now you have embraced your error and God is restoring you. You know that you have changed. But those whom you have hurt are just not giving you a chance to prove that you have changed.
How can you change their minds?
You cannot – at least not directly. Trust is something that takes a long time to build but can be lost in an instant. Once it is lost, it is a very slow road back to restoration. However, with God’s involvement, it is not an impossible road.
Let me share some thoughts for you to consider if you find yourself in this position:
Fully embrace your sin/error. King David stated in Psalm 51:4 ‘Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.’
Confess your sin. Yes, this is ol’ fashioned but it is what the Bible says to do.
1John 1:8-10 ‘If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His Word has no place in our lives.’
Submit To His Plan
You cannot move on to a healthy life and claim God’s power in your restoration until you submit to His plan.
YOU will not be the one to directly convince a spouse or loved one that you have changed. Do not waste any effort in trying to go to them and convince them that you have changed and please “Take me back”.
DO set out to become all the man or woman that God wants you to be. Embrace His Word and His Spirit into your life. And be actively pursuing the changes that God wants you to make.
DO NOT date or participate in any website or activity that takes your focus away from being ready to restore your marriage. This often takes many years as the necessary changes come about in character – yours and in your loved ones.
Find out what it was that you were trying to fill when you committed the sin that caused the breakup. For example, if sex was involved, what is it you were trying to find? It is deeper than just the act of sex.
Seek Help.
Seldom is this discovery made without the valued assistance of a trained guide. Christian counselors are called by God and spend the time to prepare themselves to be a guide to the discoveries YOU need to make.
You did not get to this point in a day and it will take more than a day to get out of it. Do not expect counseling to be one or two sessions with all the understanding needed suddenly revealed. Often it takes an extended time, or more than one series of counseling to unravel the revelation.
Pray.
Pray for your spouse constantly. Ask God to place a hedge of protection around them and for Him to work in their lives as He is in yours.
Do not be alone. Find one or two strong Christians of your own gender and develop a great buddy/accountability group.
Trust God!
Even when it appears that nothing is happening and when you do not understand, trust God. Philippians 1:6 ‘being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.’
The shortest path to the fulfillment and joy that you are seeking is in your marriage. It is worth the effort and the endurance. Is there a guarantee that if you do everything correct your marriage will be restored? No.
We live in a fallen world and such guarantees are not a part of our lives until we arrive in Heaven. However, this course will enable you to become all the man/woman that you and God want you to become. And give you the peace of mind that you did everything possible for restoration.
The peace that will come from God in undertaking this path will be sufficient for whatever unfolds in your life.
May God illuminate your path and bless you in this journey of “Take Me Back”.
Dr. Jim
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